


Every Nerve Like A Firefly

by Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye)



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-25
Updated: 2005-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-06 22:46:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaciavye/pseuds/Eustacia%20Vye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>As long as you are true to the life<br/>That you live<br/>This is the time to feel love<br/>I feel a stirring deep within<br/>Slowly picking up momentum<br/>Like the tide coming in to shore<br/>Over and under in its course<br/>This feeling emblazed inside<br/>Every nerve like a firefly</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Nerve Like A Firefly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lunarknightz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarknightz/gifts).



> Written as a linked series of comment!fics as a Secret Santa drabble exchange in Winter 2005, with the big reveal on Christmas Day.

**1\. November 27, 2005**  
I suppose I should have expected this. I don't know how to talk to girls. I know I should have learned by now, that I should know to keep my mouth working ten steps behind my mind. But I see her smile like that, like she knows my heart. I think suddenly that it will be perfect this time, I'll say something profound or witty and she'll know how I feel. But the words that spill out of me aren't the ones I mean to say, and I see Kaylee falter and pull away.

I wish I knew how to speak.

 

**2\. November 28, 2005**  
He's a brilliant doctor, but an idiot when it comes to what makes people really tick. I suppose I shoulda realized that it was too good to be true when he took me to the fair. I suppose I was just there, someone pretty enough to talk to, desperate enough to fool around with. I wouldn't've pegged him for someone like that. I thought he was better'n that. If he would risk his neck for his sister, he was more than just a face. I just... What do I do now, when I feel all cut up inside? Where's the mechanic that fixes hearts?

 

**3\. November 29, 2005**  
River sat on the steps to the cargo bay and watched them not talk to each other. Simon the boob and Kaylee the hurt. There was painful silence between them, the what-ifs and maybes, the long looks stolen out of the corners of eyes. "Tell him," River whispered to Kaylee over jacks. "He doesn't know. He doesn't comprehend."

"I couldn't..." Kaylee replied, shaking her head.

"You can." River was fierce, eyes wild. "Tell him or I will, and I know I'll get it wrong. I don't know what I say, but I know how you both feel."

Kaylee looked up with hope. "It's not too late, then?"

"Never."

 

**4\. November 30, 2005**  
He had wanted to talk to her. There was really nothing to say – _I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I don't know how to speak in public_ – but there she was, listening to that recording. Last words from a dead body, and _he_ knew how to speak, at least. Simon opened his mouth to say something, anything – _Kaylee, I'm sorry I was stupid, I didn't mean it that way. You're wonderful, you're beautiful. You can fix anything, even me._ But it didn't sound right, and he shut his mouth again. He didn't want to make things any worse.

 

**5\. December 1, 2005**  
There had been times after missions went south that Simon wished he had been able to run to the engine room. _Kaylee, please talk to me, tell me how you're feeling!_ He was insecure, still not used to the way things worked out in the black. What if she didn't want him back? What if she's moved on to better? Simon organized his infirmary and kept his riotous thought to himself; no one cared about him enough to hear him whine. The frustration was eating at him, but there was nowhere else to send it. _If only you could love me._

 

**6\. December 2, 2005**  
Kaylee pulled apart the ducts and couldn't find anything wrong. The sounds that carried throughout the heating vents continued, and she couldn't figure out what it was. Serenity shouldn't have sounded so heartsick, since she was in tiptop shape. Maybe because there was so much emptiness without Book and Inara, because everyone fell pulled out of sorts. _Oh Simon, why couldn't you feel like we're home? We could be your family if you let us. I could love you enough..._ But he was coiling in on himself, and it was only a matter of time before he imploded.

 

**7\. December 3, 2005**  
No power in the 'verse should've stopped her from speaking her mind. Little Kaywinnet Lee Frye was afraid of nothing and nobody, had stepped into the black without a second thought. But then the dark had come creeping out at her, and she began to see what else existed.

But some things were simple. Love, and falling in love, never changed. It was all shades of wishing and hoping and wanting. It was knowing your _shuai_ boy was all kinds of silly in things that mattered but loving him anyway. It was knowing you weren't the best in the 'verse, but the best for _him._ If only he could see it, too.

 

**8\. December 4, 2005**  
Lying on her back, Kaylee felt the poison darts work their dark magic. Simon was beside her, bleeding from a gut shot, eyes wide with fear. _Don't let us die like this, not here, not now. I never got a chance to tell him..._

Simon was reaching for her blindly, caught her fingers. River had disappeared from view, and there was the distant sound of yelling and screaming. Her breath burned in her chest, and she was starting to lose feeling. Simon talked Inara through the steps of bringing her back to life, of starting the healing process. _I wanna live..._

 

**9\. December 5, 2005**  
his heart stopped, kaylee fallen and gone, river gone down the river and over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go but there is grandmother with her teeth like fangs ready to gobble you up and there is father, wrists in chains to propriety and washing down my hope with acid words. she's gone to save us all, "my turn," she said, she's on the other side of the door and it will cave in and whatever else happens i'm glad i told her, that she knows and that river has been safe. i only wanted to keep my girls safe...

 

**10\. December 6, 2005**  
"This is the way of it," River whispered, leaning over her brother in the Alliance infirmary. "You get to move on now. You don't have to devote every waking moment to my care."

_"Mei mei,"_ Simon whispered. "You're all I've got. I won't leave you."

"She is your heart. She is family as well as me, though not by blood. She can be more if you wish it to be."

Simon sighed. "And what could I give her? I don't have anything left to give her, nothing that she deserves to have."

River rolled her eyes. "Boob. You have your heart. It's all she wants."

 

**11\. December 7, 2005**  
"Kaylee?"

Kaylee turned at the hesitant voice behind her. "Simon! You're all better now!" She gave him a swift hug, and Simon could feel the tension drain out of him. "Didja get a wicked scar?"

"No. They have better quality weaves here." Simon smiled at Kaylee's sad expression. "I could show you the other scars I've gotten in the past few months."

She touched his face gently, her eyes locked to his. "They don't make you any less wonderful."

On impulse, Simon kissed her palm. "You're the wonderful one."

Eyes wide, Kaylee sucked in a breath. Her day just got a whole lot better.

 

**12\. December 8, 2005**  
Kissing Simon was like nothing Kaylee had expected it to be. It was more than just the pressure of lips against each other, or the slide of tongue against teeth. There was something electric in his touch, something like magic. There was a soft tingle left behind where he touched her, as though a ghost of his caress lingered on her skin even after he was gone. It felt like a promise, that he could make her shiver in all sorts of delicious ways. Kaylee would touch her kissed lips when she was alone in the engine room and smile. Her _shuai_ boy sure knew how to kiss.

 

**13\. December 9, 2005**  
When Simon was a boy, his father had once went to a society dinner party without his mother. The Companion he had hired was tall with long blond hair, caramel colored skin and eyes like honey. His mother hadn't liked the situation, and hadn't spoken with his father for days. Simon hadn't understood at the time. Now that Simon knew what Kaylee tasted like, what she sounded like and what she felt like, he found that he still didn't understand. If you loved someone, if you made that person part of your entire life, how could you spend time with a poor imitation?

 

**14\. December 10, 2005**  
"I'm thinking I'm pretty lucky to have found you," Simon murmured, moving to kiss Kaylee. Her hands were everywhere, touching him, feeling how much he wanted her. His breath caught, and then he kissed her fiercely. She rather liked that, making Simon lose control and be more passionate. Kaylee understood that plenty. Her own emotions have been all over the map once he stepped into her life, and it was only fair to return the favor.

_"Xie xie,"_ Simon whispered, then tilted her backward onto his bed. He was learning her slowly, every inch of her, and he had a very good memory indeed.

 

**15\. December 11, 2005**  
Kaylee knew a few things about the good doctor. He liked the way she looked at him, as though he were special, as though he would always be cherished. He liked the way she made him feel at home anywhere in the black, as though he were the center of the 'verse. He liked the way he was wanted, needed, that he was more than a caretaker. He never had wanted to be someone's keeper, had just wanted to heal and be healed. It was a good thing that Kaylee knew all about the kind of healing Simon needed.

 

**16\. December 12, 2005**  
Kaylee shimmied out of her top and grinned at Simon. It fell to the floor with a soft sound, and Kaylee giggled. Simon opened his eyes and gaped at the sight of her. It never ceased to amaze him that she was with him, that she would smile _at him,_ that she would want him. He didn't know how to talk, didn't know how to be anything other than the proper Core doctor he had been trained to be. But it was plenty good enough for Kaylee, and she showed him in every way how good enough he was.

 

**17\. December 13, 2005**  
_I didn't want to lose everything to you. He's not mine anymore, it isn't the same._ But it wasn't any fair to Kaylee, who only wanted to be her friend. Kaylee couldn't help it if River felt alone and isolated. She wasn't Simon's entire world anymore. That was the way of it, that was right. Simon had to move on to become a better person. Kaylee fit him, brought him out of his shell and made him _feel,_ made him _live._ River loved her for it, but wished she could have been the one. _He was mine first._

 

**18\. December 14, 2005**  
"Think we're not giving River enough attention?" Kaylee asked softly.

Horrified, Simon sat up in bed. "Did she say something? Did I forget to give her medicine? Oh God, Kaylee, I'm horrible..."

_"Bao bei,"_ Kaylee said gently, patting his arm. "She's fine. We play together all the time. It just don't look like you do anymore."

"I don't _play,"_ Simon replied with some dignity. "Not since we were children."

"Then maybe it's time you started. Play with her a little, so she knows she hasn't lost you as a brother." Kaylee wrapped her arms around him, relishing the feel of bare skin on bare skin. "And maybe someday, she'll be a good auntie."

Simon grinned at her. "I'd like that."

 

**19\. December 15, 2005**  
Kaylee was dreaming, curled up in the security of Simon's embrace. They slept in the same bunk now, and she found that it helped her sleep. _I love that you let me see as much as you do, I love that you make me a part of you._

Simon was dreaming as well, his arms wrapped tightly around Kaylee. Her back was pressed against his bare chest, and he held her close. She was almost like a second skin. _I want to see everything inside you, I want to see how you love me. It's like a physical thing, and I could dip my fingers in and touch it softly to see how it moves. I love that you see as much as you do, that you know what I'm really like._

 

**20\. December 16, 2005**  
"Kaywinnet Lee Frye," Simon began, his voice all smiles, "will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Of course!" Kaylee cried. She threw herself on top of Simon, ignoring the laughter and the catcalls of the crew. Of all the places to propose, of course he had to do it just after dinner in front of everyone. "Of course I'll marry ya, Simon. I ain't letting you go so easy."

"Don't ever," he whispered in her ear as he held her tight. "I don't want you to ever let me go. I want to grow old with you, see our children and grandchildren grow up. I want forever, Kaylee."

"I'm gonna be sick," Jayne said, shaking his head. He piled his plates in the sink. "Gets so a man can't eat nothing no more."

"They're good together," River said, voice soft and sad. "They are complete alone."

 

**21\. December 17, 2005**  
Simon shook the pack of cards at River. _"Mei mei,"_ he began a bit uncertainly. "I have some free time. Want to play cards?"

She looked up from her sketches of dresses with a startled look. "You play games again?"

He smiled and entered her room. "I just want to spend some time with my sister. We don't get to talk to each other much anymore."

"Let me," River said, reaching for the cards. She began to shuffle them, and Simon sat across from her. "I'm not mad," she said after a moment, not looking up. "You are perfect together, and have no need of a third."

"I don't want you to think I'm leaving you," Simon said, pained. "I want you to be happy."

She flashed him a brilliant smile, and he thought of the way she had been on Osiris. "I am."

 

**22\. December 18, 2005**  
Between River's sketches and Inara's contacts, Kaylee found the material and the seamstress to make her wedding dress. She hesitantly approached Zoe when they were both alone in the mess hall. "Can I ask a question? Tell me if you don't wanna answer," Kaylee added.

Zoe looked up, her expression almost wary. "Depends on what it is."

"Um… Is it different when you're married? Life, I mean. Jayne said it won't work, and I just..." Kaylee sighed. "What if he can't love me the same?"

Something in Zoe's face softened, and she could feel the last of her grief drain away. "It never stays the same. You have to grow together, learn how to be the same and different."

Kaylee looked at her, face expectant and hopeful. "And it works?"

Zoe thought of Wash and found herself smiling. "Yeah. It does."

 

**23\. December 19, 2005**  
_"Nî hâo mêi,"_ Simon murmured against the skin of Kaylee's throat. He could feel her pulse against his lips, erratic as his own. His hand was lost between her legs, hers was tangled up in his hair. Simon was putting those talented hands of his to good use. Kaylee nearly leapt off of the bed with a keening cry. Kaylee was about to explode from it all, her legs moving restlessly.

"Come for me," Simon whispered against her ear. It was the hottest thing Kaylee had ever heard, and she wanted to call out his name as she came. But words failed her, and the entire 'verse exploded in a sunburst.

 

**24\. December 20, 2005**  
Kaylee spent odd moments in the engine room looking at her engagement ring. It wasn't the biggest or the fanciest rock in the 'verse, but it was hers and hers alone. It sparkled and shone just right, and sent light bouncing out into rainbows. She had an unreal feeling looking at it, as though the past few months was nothing more than a dream.

And then Simon would come in and kiss her, and she knew better than that. It was real, this thing between them, real and wonderful and shiny. He was hers and hers alone, and it felt as though she held her own little piece of heaven inside her heart.

 

**25\. December 21, 2005**  
They were heading back to Kaylee's home world, though it was going to be a surprise for Simon. She asked Mal not to mention it; he had already seemed sad enough that his parents couldn't be there for him at a time like this. She was sure her family would love him, and that it would help ease the disappointment. "You're too happy for your own good," Mal had said, shaking his head. "Some things just never change."

On impulse, Kaylee gave Mal a swift hug. "Oh, I just want everyone else as happy as I am now. And he deserves it, you know? He gave up so much to do the right thing. I want to make up for it a bit, is all."

With a wry grin, Mal shook his head again. "He loves you, _Mei mei._ You're more'n enough just on your own."

 

**26\. December 22, 2005**  
"What do you think?"

Simon hadn't been paying any kind of attention at all, and it was obvious by his lost expression. "I'm sorry. You were saying?"

"I think I should be insulted," Kaylee teased. She plopped down on the bed beside him and threw an arm across his shoulders. "You are going to have to make it up to me."

Simon turned in her arms. "Am I now?"

"Absolutely," she replied seriously. Then Kaylee grinned and kissed him. "I can think of a hundred different ways you can make it up to me."

He returned her grin. "Really now? A hundred?" He pushed her down onto her back. "I think I need to test this theory."

"Ain't no theory." Kaylee started working on his buttons. "Not if someone smart like you proves it to me."

Simon laughed. "Well, I was in the top three percent of my class. I think I can manage."

 

**27\. December 23, 2005**  
The dress was beautiful, and shipped to the Fryes in advance of the wedding day. Kaylee hugged herself just thinking about it, and then that sparkly diamond just made her want to dance. She and River spun about the cargo bay for a bit the day before, and Simon had joined in. It had been absolutely magical.

Just another week, and then she would be Kaywinnet Lee Tam. Or Mrs. Simon Tam. She liked the sound of that. Kaylee danced around the engine room, covered in grease from head to toe from fixing the inside of an exhaust duct. That didn't matter. In her mind, she was dancing on her wedding day.

 

**28\. December 24, 2005**  
Simon nearly choked when a large sunburnt hand fell onto his shoulder. "I hear you're marryin' my baby girl," a voice boomed.

Simon looked up at Papa Frye, fearing the worst. "Yes, sir, I am." He was very proud of the fact that his voice remained steady. Papa Frye was a solid slab of muscle and grit, and looked as though he could easily break a man in two.

Papa Frye eyed him slowly, took in the solid gaze and square jaw. "My little Kaywinnet tells me you're a fancy doctor from the Core."

"I am a trauma surgeon by training," Simon began. He half rose in his seat and indicated the other chair at the kitchen table. "Please, sit down, sir."

"Watcha readin'?" Papa Frye asked, sitting down.

"One of the latest medical journals. I like to be prepared for everything."

Papa Frye grinned fiercely at Simon, and slammed his pistol down on the table. "So do I, son. Now let's talk about my baby girl."

 

**29\. December 25, 2005 - Reveal Day**  
The day passed by in a blur. Simon couldn't remember the little details regarding the ceremony, but could remember the feel of the fabric of Kaylee's dress and how she laughed as he swung her about on the dance floor. He couldn't remember the names of her myriad cousins or who was related to who, but it didn't matter. Kaylee threw her arms around him and kissed him thoroughly at the ceremony, promising to be his until the end of time. Simon laughed during the cake cutting when a smudge of icing fell onto his suit, and he held her closely during their dance. He didn't need details. All he needed was Kaylee in his arms and the sound of her laughter in his ear. This was perfect, this was forever.


End file.
